Nineteen Things I Learned as I Deal with Adulthood

A. Life is one big, complex and complicated mess. It does not always go according to plan. It always finds its absurd reason to ruin every single plan you made for yourself in your head. The timeline you created when you were little? As much as I hated to be the bearer of a horrible news, it does not usually happen for most people. Those which did, well, they are great and lucky. Chances are indeed in their favors.

B. You really have to embrace your imperfections because nobody will ever do it for you except for you and yourself. You have to love the frizziness of your curly hair, the big bags under your round eyes over your thick brows, the bridge of your nose and the contours of your pale lips. You also have to learn how to treat the scars stitched through your skin as if wonderful creations and masterpieces. You also have to love the uneven curves of your body or even your toes. Love yourself when no one else does.

C. Smile a lot even you feel the positive vibe and aura inside you. Sometimes you just have to make someone feel better with that simple upward pull of your lips. Sometimes, you really have to be the instrument of happiness and joy. It is contagious after all.

D. Drink a lot of water. Your body will really thank you for that simple way of taking care of your God-given temple. And not that it is only good for your health, it can also help you save money since you will feel full or bloated. Bills of an adult is very different from being a teenager since aside from having expensive payables and taxes, there is also the thing that called saving. An adult must save for future purposes.

E. Sometimes, a blaring good music will help you kill all the monsters rampaging in your head and to shut the world down. There is really a time in adulthood where you you feel so low and the world is moving too fast or too slow that you cannot keep pace along with it. And you are starting to lose yourself and you just want to feel disconnected from it.

F. Your heart will break. No matter how hard you try to build barricades around it, someone out there always have tools to destroy it. And since you are crazy over your feelings, you will let your guard down without realizing that that person is not worthy at all and you will be left in a very catastrophic and devastated state.

G. You are going to lose people in your lives. Even friendship you think would last for a lifetime. Not because you are a bad person or what, but simply because they did something horrible to you that the only thing left is to walk away and remove them from the equation.

H. There really comes a time that you will feel such a loser and nothing is happening in your life despite everything. But you have to stop that right away since it will ruin you until you collapse and could no longer stand up again. You just have to believe in yourself no matter what.

I. People are very different from one another. Some are good. Some are not, obviously. But it should not be a reason for you to lose your faith in humanity.

J. You will feel that you just need an escape from everything since the things around you are very difficult to handle anymore. But you cannot since you know that you have to deal with them no matter what. You really have to since those things are tests for your patience and character.

K. Feelings and emotions will constantly falter. You easily get hurt. You tend to be sensitive over stupid and silly things you used to ignore when you were younger. You may wonder why you are suddenly being emotional over simple things. It is part of the process since everything on this stage is new to you.

L. Nobody will teach you how to deal with adulthood. You have to figure out it all by yourself. This is a thrilling, dangerous, exciting and exhausting stage that you have to conquer to reach the next tougher level. If you do not survive this, good luck Mario in saving your damsel in distress.

M. Intelligence is not sufficed to reach for your dream. It also takes courage. You have to be bold to take risks and go out of your comfort zone. You also have to have patience in waiting for the results. If it still did not fruit into something good, you should be patient enough to try again until you reach for it.

N. Education is absolutely important but having a college degree is not a guarantee that you are going to end up living a great life, rather it is simply an edge amongst others who are battling for that wonderful prize. It is up to you how are you going to use that beautiful priviledge given to you. Do not waste it. Tons of people out there wants to have education like yours.

O. Sometimes, you really have to speak out your thoughts and opinions for people to shut the fuck up and for them to realize that you are tired of them or their hideous attitudes.

P. You do not need to always look good in everyone’s eyes. You are a human being; allowed to commit mistakes but capable of learning; righteous to feeling something extreme. Everyday is not always a good day.

Q. Never compare yourself to others. The more you do, the more frustrated and exhausted you will be. The more you do, the more negative feelings you will attract. Stop comparing. And live your life.

R. Social media is a powerful instrument nowadays but you should not let this thing define your success, your life and most especially who you truly are. Do not be impressed by everything you see there. Not all you see there is true. If not some, most of them are deceit for the sake of wanting to look good in the eyes of everybody.

S. Life will never ever adjust itself for you. You must adjust yourself to deal with it.

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Five Simple Things to Do when You’re Having a Rough Day

  1. Wash your face. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that it’s just another bad day but everything is going to be alright. And in case you made a petty mistake, keep telling yourself that you are simply a human being, imperfect but capable of learning.
  2. Create a playlist for happiness and positivity. Keep listening to it every time you are having a very bad day. Keep listening until the melodies kill the stress.
  3. Put a rubber bad around your wrist to remind yourself that everything is going to be alright.
  4. Grab an ice cream. There’s nothing better than eating your comfort food during a very dull and crazy day. Indulge yourself until you totally forget about everything.
  5. Take a walk to clear your mind. Feel the wind brushing against your skin to soothe your mind and body.

To Love Someone Like Me

To love me means also loving to hear all the raging thoughts in my head at one in the morning when all of my frustrations suddenly burst; it also means embracing all the quirkiness wrapped around my entirety like adoring how beautiful the stars up above midnight or how the clouds move in a slow motion to form warriors and knights; it may as well mean coming with me at Mcdonald’s when I crave for some fries and sundae at two in the morning; it’s also defined as listening to my senseless and repetitious stories about my dreams, fantasies and everyday life. To love me means swearing that you would listen to the songs I would tell to you in the middle of the day because I assure you, you’d be hearing from me talking about them from time to time.

Loving someone like me isn’t easy for I am someone scarred badly in the past. My whole system is composed of heartaches, pains, sorrows and miseries—I am imperfectly flawed but that made me who I am. To love me is to embrace those imperfections stitched through my veins. To love me means allowing me to have solitude once in a while since I have these moments that I want to shut my world down from everybody else; I have those dark times that I never wanted to talk to anybody at all and just want to lock myself in my own world. Just give me some time to think, at the end of the day I will come back to you.  To love me is to tell me how much you care for me even in the slightest way—I will surely appreciate that even my form of appreciation and gratitude is to tell how corny or annoying you are, but deep down, your words mean a lot and warmed my heart. To love me means staying with me no matter how messy and difficult I could be. All I ever want is someone who will stand right behind me during my darkest and worst moments of my life.

To love me is to tell me your thoughts and opinions about the things I keep on telling you about even they mean nothing to you. To love me is to allow me to grow with you as a being physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

I am a complicated and difficult person. I am crazy, wild, freak, easily hurt and gullible. So tell me you love me when you only mean it. I don’t have time for some franks or what. I have had enough of heartbreaks in my past. I am aging and all I ever want for now is a stable and long-lasting relationship that would make me choose to stay no matter how many rocks were thrown at us or no matter how turbulent and bumpy the roads may get.

To love me means a little bit of sacrifice. But I can guarantee you that I could make you feel you’re the best person in the world and you didn’t make the wrong choice by choosing me over them. With me, I can make you feel disconnected from the rest of the galaxy. I will surely make tons of efforts for our relationship to keep going and last. It will be a tough ride for the both of us but I can assure you that it will be worth it and filled with so much fun. To love me means needing and wanting me like the way I do to you.

Truth must be told, I still think about you every day. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that I no longer care about you or everything you do, I always come back to the reality that I am simply a pretender. I still want to know everything you do in your life. But of course, that wouldn’t happen anymore. You chose to end the communication between us at all without giving me a full clearance. Somehow, I hate you for that. But I no longer care about it. All I want now is for you to come back. It may sound ridiculously foolish to you or to anyone who knows what happened between us but I don’t mind. I still have feelings for you even I deny it to everyone in this world including myself.

 

I can’t bring myself listening to those songs which I know will make me remind of you since I am afraid that huge waves of sadness will crash against me once more after all those times of trying to eliminate it from my system. I can’t risk another goodbye to you if I swallowed my pride to drop a single message from you just to tell how my day has been like we used to. I can’t dare let go of those wonderful memories that keep on crippling me to move forward from everything that has been holding the euphoria I ever desire. And I can’t understand why. Maybe you’re just one of those few persons who can create a huge impact into my life given only a very short period of time in a way I could never explain.

 

I have no idea if I ever cross your mind in between your reflections about your day and fight against your monsters and ghosts. In case you wonder about my case, you do. You always do. Right now, I simply can’t wait for the day that I will no longer feign happiness; that my pen will no longer write about you; that you will be just somebody that I used to know.

Note to Self

            The truth is as you age, sadness and frustrations will be surrounding you most of the times. There will really come a point that you’d feel so low of yourself—that nothing is really happening in your life; you haven’t achieved anything big; your colleagues are having the times of their lives; you keep on losing friends making you wonder if it’s your fault or not; the dreams you built when you were younger aren’t still coming into reality; your heart keeps on breaking from time to time; your pocket seems to always run out of money in a way you can never explain; your expenses are much higher than your savings.

                But as you try to dig to the reason why those unnecessary thoughts flood your brain, two reasons will come up—comparison and overthinking. If you could only learn how to stop doing those two things and start paying attention to the simple things and pleasures in your life, you’d soon realize how blessed you are. You have no idea how much somebody out there is willing to be in your position since you have everything they ever desire. If you could only find out you have suffice than what you truly needed, needless to say, you are more than blessed.

                You are surrounded by negative feelings since you are rushing yourself and your life which shouldn’t be the case. You always desire that glorious and flamboyant things will happen within a blink of an eye. It is not. Just take one step at a time. Just closely pay attention to the wonderful things in your life no matter how petty they may seem in your opinion, you’d soon appreciate your life more. Take a deep breath. Start it today. Soon enough, you will emerge as a much happier and better person whose outlook towards life is more wonderful than ever.

Letter for my Future Lover

It is one crazy chance that someone will fall in love with me. However, it is a beautiful privilege to be loved in the most splendid way like you do. Everything is already uncertain between us from the very beginning, yet I am willing to stay with you no matter how many times life offers me reasons to give up and let it all go.

To be loved and accepted despite the flaws and imperfections stitched into my skin and flesh mean so much to me. Tons of people came along my way but they never stayed; they only gave me false hopes that something beautiful is going to happen between us. With that, I will always be endlessly grateful to you for choosing me over them even I know for a fact that I am not the best out there. I am thanking you for all the sacrifices you endured for me. I am aware that I am not easy to fall in love with that’s why I am really grateful to you.

As much as I am thankful to you, I simply want to apologize for some things. I am deeply sorry for being clingy and territorial when it comes to you—I am just afraid that you will find them more interesting and compelling than me; I am fearful that they will look more wonderful in your eyes that you might realize that I am not really the one you love. I am really sorry for being a drunk of jealousy every time you tell someone’s name who I believe create a special impact in your life; I just can’t help the bitter taste of it at the tip of my tongue that’s why it shows in my actions and words; I am not confident of myself that’s why I feel that sensation I shouldn’t really feel. I am really sorry for always living in my past when you are my present and my future; I cannot simply let them go because my ghosts still haunt me during the night. I am sorry for telling you about the miseries and sorrows that keep on running in my bloodstream even you tell me that I should already forget them. I am deeply sorry if I am too much of a burden and pain to you every time I started acting childish and immature. I am sorry for being cranky and impatient because the toll of the day has just taken over me but it doesn’t mean that I do not love you anymore. I always do. And I always will.

The kind of love we have may be different and difficult but I can assure you that it’s genuine, pure and real. I love you more than I love myself. It’s true love. Thank you for the patience, understanding, comfort and assurance that what you feel for me is true. Thank you for everything. And I promise that I will do my best to keep this love burning and long-lasting. You are truly the person I want to grow old with. Until our last breath, I will love you.

 

During the day, he tries his best to make himself busy for those fiendish creatures not to penetrate his entirety. He keeps on reminding himself that this day is his day; that it’s going to be another wonderful day; that it is going to be his best day; that it is going to be the day when everything will be alright. However, no matter how much he indulges himself, those horrible beings seem to know their passages towards his soul. It appears that they have their own keys into his body allowing him to lose all the vibrancy and euphoria he’s trying hard to maintain for it’s never easy to find joy.

And monsters are smart. They know the perfect time to make him feel worse than before. And it is when during the silence of the night when the world is all asleep and dreaming for a better day tomorrow; when his breathing pattern is the only sound that breaks the stillness of the room. Silent nights are supposed to be a wonderful idea for it is the perfect time to give it all a rest. But it wasn’t the case. He keeps on fighting the monster in his head when night already kicks in. He is weaker compare to them; they can easily take him down as if he has no strength at all. As soon as they touch his bare flesh, the atrocious sensation started to crawl in him. He hates it. Hate is perhaps an understatement. He despises it. He really does. And he’s been trying his best to take them on his own. He wants an end for all the fuss in his head. He desires to stop the battle between him and the monsters.

The sad truth is that he cannot think of any solution but one for they are hideously strong. And the only thing he can come up with is to give in.