Truth must be told, I still think about you every day. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that I no longer care about you or everything you do, I always come back to the reality that I am simply a pretender. I still want to know everything you do in your life. But of course, that wouldn’t happen anymore. You chose to end the communication between us at all without giving me a full clearance. Somehow, I hate you for that. But I no longer care about it. All I want now is for you to come back. It may sound ridiculously foolish to you or to anyone who knows what happened between us but I don’t mind. I still have feelings for you even I deny it to everyone in this world including myself.


I can’t bring myself listening to those songs which I know will make me remind of you since I am afraid that huge waves of sadness will crash against me once more after all those times of trying to eliminate it from my system. I can’t risk another goodbye to you if I swallowed my pride to drop a single message from you just to tell how my day has been like we used to. I can’t dare let go of those wonderful memories that keep on crippling me to move forward from everything that has been holding the euphoria I ever desire. And I can’t understand why. Maybe you’re just one of those few persons who can create a huge impact into my life given only a very short period of time in a way I could never explain.


I have no idea if I ever cross your mind in between your reflections about your day and fight against your monsters and ghosts. In case you wonder about my case, you do. You always do. Right now, I simply can’t wait for the day that I will no longer feign happiness; that my pen will no longer write about you; that you will be just somebody that I used to know.


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