I love you, I hate you

I love you, I hate you
I don’t know
what I feel

One moment, I’m
thrilled;
the next I know
I’m losing
my head

Is this how it’s
supposed to
be if it’s
something real?

No idea for
it always
happen to me
all the time
and I bled.

Should I pursue
or should I go?
I’m torn
between love
and hate.

Is this feeling
still worth a try
or just
another lost
chance?

Loving and hating,
are they balanced
together by
crazy fate?

Tell me, are you
worthy on this
love and hate dance?

Better Days are Coming

Give your sad days a good rest
They did already their best—
You’re ruined, devastated;
Now, you better get started

Do something you really love
Desperate days are enough
You deserve more happiness
Bid goodbye to emptiness

Throw the sadness you store
There’s enough damage in your core
Start creating your best version
You’re beautiful, so go on

Let it flow in your bloodstream
Feel it until all the emotions scream
Let it glow in brand new ways
Claim it, it’s the light for better days
Let it show you how to be brand new
Take it, it’s yours and meant only for you

Stay with Me

Stay with me please, will you?
My walls, in red, were already painted
Might as well in grey and blue if suggested
New colors for this are really needed
But I keep on ending with crimson red

Stay with me please, will you?
I’m exhausted of people walking away–
I ran after them but they never stayed
I went back from where it all started–
feeling shattered and heavy-hearted

Stay with me please, will you?
Time is infinite, distance is limitless;
Nothing compared with my new found happiness–
Deep talks take me to brand new places
Yet fear crept for being shattered pieces

Stay with me please, will you?
Do not watch me falling and breaking
This is madness from the very beginning
But I risked for the tragedy of my feelings
Love me and I will forget about everything

Stay with me please, will you?
This is too much to contain for me
I feel more alive of myself yet dangerously
However, fear were stitched, I tell you,honesty
I just want you to stay, right beside me

Maybe Tomorrow

If people around us only minded their own businesses–
it won’t turn out like this; I won’t feel like a mess
but people are people and we cannot do anything about it
yet I can’t help myself to tell my mind that they’re shit
 
And I want to believe what you say that it will be alright
Even we both know it won’t be and I’d simply cried at night
Maybe tomorrow, I won’t be filled with sorrows
Maybe tomorrow, I can easily let it all go
Or maybe tomorrow, I will always find myself low
Or maybe tomorrow, I really do not know
 
I tried hard to be okay after what you said the other day
But I know myself better so I felt worse and filled with grey
I kept on asking why it has to turn out this horrible way
I fumbled for the bright side but I always found myself astray
 
Sadness hurts and I will surely miss you my friend;
those endless stories as the day begins and ends
It will surely take time for me to be okay again
Friendship means love and in love, there’s pain

Overwhelming Feeling

There’s always an ugly feeling scarred in my heart after an endless talk

And it never fails to take over my system like a real monstrous hulk

I suddenly become needy and clingy of the attention you’ve given to me

And I always want it but I know for a fact that it cannot always be

 

I know I am paranoid, crazy, over thinker and hilarious towards this

But I cannot help myself from feeling like this, feeling like a real mess

I already know from the very beginning that you will be a trouble

I should’ve followed my instincts earlier so I wouldn’t be miserable

 

The feeling is overwhelming so I’ve got nothing but to pen it all down

It’s only because you didn’t respond; all the happiness in me were gone

I wonder if you were already in dreamland or simply texting someone—

Whatever, you don’t know what I feel here in this small unknown town

A message from you will put an end to this misery I’ve suddenly found

Come on, heed me and everything will be alright like the way it is bound

 

I want to talk about this to my friends but I’m afraid they’ll find me funny

So I just suppress everything inside until it swallowed my entirety

I’m trying to keep positive about this thing but I’m an over thinker

Webs of thoughts suddenly happened and it feels like a real disaster

 

My feelings are getting worse and stranger when we stop talking

Could this be an obsession? And that’s why for you I keep on longing?

And this is what I hate for getting caught in a trap of strange emotions

I always have a hard time in handling them and keep on moving on

 

 

 

 

A New Reason

And I’ve got a new reason to look at my phone
I always wanted to go out early and be at home
Since excitement and delight filled my entirety
For I wanted to know what the next convo will be

My real self comes out easily without even trying—
An evidence towards the comfort I am feeling
The flow of our conversation comes out naturally
So I’ve been thinking about something for you and me

We got lost track of time but it still feels not enough
And those beautiful things always keep me high and up
Yet there’s still so much I want to say and ask to you
And I wonder if you ever thought about those things too

Could this be that beautiful thing I’ve been longing?
Or could this be another tragedy like those things?
So many thoughts are going through my head
And most of them are filled with blues and red
But I’m trying my best to be positive about this
Since I no longer want to taste another deadly kiss

I don’t know if I should allow myself to let you in
After all those pains and sorrows I have been
Should I let my walls crumble or make it sturdier?
I’m unsure if there’s a chance for us to be together

 

 

 

 

 

It saddens me that I can only see your face through pictures—

Hear the beautiful sound of your voice here in my head

Those things were filled with nothing but joy and rapture

But what happened now? I’m so cloaked with bloody red

 

You used the power of words along with lies and treachery

Maybe you know by doing so, I will expose my vulnerability

I’m giving you a round of applause for you truly succeeded

You got what you want; my heart has been totally shattered

 

When the idea of you crossed my preoccupied mind,

I never fail to wonder if there’s a chance for you to be mine.

If your words to me then were filled only with truth and sincerity

I can tell you proudly that I wrote this full of hopes for you and me

 

But what if’s still cloud my mind about what could happened;

If we live in another world; if the words you said you actually mean

Could we have a beautiful connection like what I always wanted?

Could I be yours? Could you be mine like it should’ve ended?

 

But I’ll never figure out the answers to my long list of questions

All that you’ve given me were blurry lines and unwanted sensations

Maybe it’s supposed to be that way, maybe we’re in between supposed and almost

But I’ll tell you my feelings were true to its peak and utmost

 

Someday, if our paths happen to cross once again

Will you give me true and honest answers for this to end?

If by chance our hearts are beating in beautiful unison,

Let’s allow love to take us for our journey to go on