You Will Always Be My Almost

You have played a huge role in my daily life since the thing about us started. And now that it’s already goodbye without actually saying that dreadful word, a huge dose of melancholy was injected in my veins once more to flow in my bloodstream and make me feel high and dry. It hurts that I can really feel the pains pounding in my chest. But I have to deal with it. I have to go on in my life as much as I hated living without you in it. I have to figure out how to pick up my broken pieces. I have to realize that there’s more to life than it. I have to figure out my way back from being lost. I have to find my old self and build a better version of myself.

 

I will surely miss you; the sound of your voice over the phone when you tell those wonderful stories; the laughter escaping from your mouth when you utter hilarious things; the hums and sighs you make between the silence of the nights and invisible thin line bridging us; everything about you.

 

You know what? As I write these crappy words, there is an unwanted in my chest for it feels like I am really bidding goodbye to you. And I hate that. I terribly hate that. I still can’t get over the fact that I am no longer have you in my life. Damn it. It feels like there’s a vile at the tip of my tongue every time I try to speak of this aloud. And it doesn’t taste good, believe me.

 

The memories you have given me are so incomparable among others. And surely, those things keep me chained with you. I can’t easily let them go. I am afraid that I couldn’t find someone out there like you; someone beautiful whom I can talk everything about the universe and indeed a potential lover. Damn it. Can’t I still save the thing between us? Damn it. I just hate this. I really hate. But life and love goes this way, right? I have to let things go.

 

Maybe sooner or later, the ink of my pen would stop crying my heart out because of you; the lump in my throat every time your name came up would soon be gone; the tears welling up in my eyes would soon be dried. Maybe sooner or later, I could easily accept the fact that I cannot really have someone you in my life; that you will always be my almost.

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