The sun rose in the east once more forcing me to wear my ‘I’m okay’ and ‘I can make it’ masks in order to make the persons around me believe that I am perfectly fine. Fake smiles, forced laughter and pretentious conversations comprised my days. It feels like one of those ‘I just want to get over with this day’ moments. But it appears that sun down is a dreadful idea. It is the perfect time for those monsters to enter and swallow my entirety completely. Nights seem to be a little longer lately for all the hideous thoughts keep on penetrating my mind—I’ve been losing sleep since I count the scars in my heart all throughout. Through this, I allowed them to develop fangs that will soon gnaw me that I can literally feel them in my chest.
Maybe I am really a self-inflicting individual who wants to kill myself slowly. I could easily let it all go. I could easily accept the fact that it isn’t going to happen but the stubborn side of me always cling into that thin hope that maybe this can ensue for me to be filled with so much euphoria I’ve been yearning ever since. But what makes this thing harder is that the only cure for this is the same that keeps on poisoning me. How would I be fine from that terrible state if that’s the case?