I really missed my old self– the old me who doesn’t perpetually worry about the thing about us. I am literally tired of this cycle in my head that keeps on wondering how long will it last; if it’s already over, would I make it out alive? I don’t want to be in a very devastating state in the end trying my hardest to pick up my broken pieces again. I’ve been in that situation before and I no longer desire for that to ensue once more.
But how can I avoid that if my feelings already took control over me making me forget who I truly am? How could I evade such fate if I am already drawn to you? How could I make it without damaging myself if I already let myself be attached to you? I can’t easily remove you from my system– it would feel like peeling off my skin and flesh. And that’s literally, physically and emotionally painful.
To tell you, I’m afraid. Fear crept through me that sooner or later I will wake up with the reality slapping me that it’s over. Ironically, this needs to end. This is madness from the very beginning. I already knew that I am going to be the loser, that I will be that one who will take the toll more but I still engaged myself with this situation. Because I am a fool. I am stupid. It’s too late to back out, I guess.
Maybe, it will soon pass just like any other. But I am already a different person. My perspectives and views already changed. And maybe, it’s because of you. Maybe you really have a huge impact in me.
Deep down, I know if it’s meant or not, I will really have a harder time to look for someone new since I will always compare them to you. You’re one-of-a-kind. You’re one-in-a-million.