Frustration of a Dreamer

I always desire to be remembered by other people when I’m gone, like I’m going to leave a legacy and people will look upon me with such reverence and I’ll serve as one of their inspirations. But how is that all plausible if I am just sitting around the house typing these stupid thoughts in my head? Letting the words breathe out the extreme feelings inside me?

 

I am even unaware that I just graduated from college and I still need a break after 15 years of studying yet I can’t help myself to worry about the future, to get frustrated about myself, my capabilities and my whole damn life. By just looking at other people who are already having the time of their lives or achieved something remarkably admirable, I feel nothing but frustration and worries. Hey, I’m already 20 years old but I still haven’t got anything to be proud of aside from my degree which is very rampant nowadays. What I mean is, as of the moment, I haven’t got anything big. I am worried and afraid that I will not find the path which will eventually lead me there, to the door of my success. This stage of my life is one of the crucial for this is where I have to stand on my own, make a move to reach for my goals. This is the point where failures and success come to meet at a common point.

 

It has always been and always will be to become a writer is my greatest dream. Despite the pull down, insecurities, frustrations and worries, I still try my hardest to emerge as one of the finest writers that have ever been produced. Ideas are raging in my head that I really love to put down into words to be beautiful stories, writings, essays or whatsoever.

 

The lingering question is that, how will I get there? I always believe I have a plan when in fact I don’t know if it is passable to be called as plan. When my professor asked me what my plan is after college, I told him I will find a publishing house or a recording company for my writings to be heard. And that’s all. See, it’s not even a plan. Seriously, I don’t know what to do. I gotta find a job, a must but I want a career and not just a job. A career which will take me to my biggest dream since I was a kid, to be a writer.

 

I already finished four long stories, written almost 600 plus songs, numerous essays and few poems but I’m still not satisfied. It is already an achievement because not all people who reached their 20s had done that but that is not the kind of achievement I want; much bigger than that. So how will I get there? I really don’t know. My plan is not actually helpful.

 

A publishing house, recording company and a network, certainly those things are what I need. But I don’t know the system there. Like for example in a publishing house, do I have to submit the whole story or just an excerpt? You know, I am afraid that they will claim my writings as their own if in case I give them the whole plot. Worse problem? I still don’t have funds to support the printing of those long stories. See, money is really essential in achieving dreams. No matter how talented you are, how good your works are, without the sufficient funds, you won’t make it.

 

So for now, I am going to put an end to this frustration of a dreamer by putting a period at the last word, well, who knows, maybe when I re-read this stupid inscription someday, it all paid off.

 

 

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